


everyone in DC knows we're dating except for you

by tinyjew



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Bickering, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Misunderstandings, Porn with Feelings, Riding, dan uses sex to admit his feelings, record level obliviousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:42:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25542289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyjew/pseuds/tinyjew
Summary: Jonah's been waiting years for Dan to grow a fucking pair and admit that he loved him. Seriously. How hard can it be?He underestimates how emotionally clogged up Dan is, has a fight, comes to a realization, and then has some pretty mind-blowingly emotional sex with an egomaniac.
Relationships: Dan Egan/Jonah Ryan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37





	1. Jonah Ryan is a dumbass, but so is Dan

There are very few people who could even admit to Jonah being better at than Dan. It seems like its public knowledge that Jonah’s terrible or something. He doesn’t know. A lot of people are wrong about him, anyway.

The one thing he’s superior at (other than fucking and being awesome) is _feelings._ Jonah knows what he’s feeling and how to say them to another person. His dates were just as much about being with someone than they were for sex.

Dan, on the other hand, only knew how to be his asshole frenemy and a good lay. Even think about mentioning the L word and he’d turn an ugly red and stutter out a “ _fuck you_ ” followed by approximately twelve thousand insults.

He knows that for a fact. He’s tried.

Relationships never lasted long for Jonah. He liked to think it was because girls just couldn’t handle how incredible he was. But he knew it was because he was (maybe) difficult to be around. But he and Dan were different. They’d been fucking for _years._ It was super casual hate-fucking at first. They’d piss each other off, bit and hit and kiss until one day Dan dropped to his knees, bossing him around until Jonah came all over his pretty mouth. It stayed like that for a while. Jonah would push his buttons, Dan would spew out insults, and then they’d have some really mind-blowing sex.

Even though they’d take breaks, it steadily became A Thing. It embarrasses Dan, sometimes, and they’d have to sneak around while at work. Which, to him, was kind of hot. Especially when Dan wrangles him into an empty room, begging for Jonah to do _something._

(Begging might not be the right word, but if anyone asked, that’s what he’d tell them.)

They were just… there for each other. In a way, no one else could be. Dan and he were cut from the same cloth. Jonah offered up more than a willing body, and Dan balanced him out. As much as they refused to admit it, they were each other’s closest friends. Even closer than him and Richard. Or him and Amy. But the dynamics were too different to compare, so Jonah wasn’t quite sure.

So sure, they became reluctant best friends. They still liked to make fun of each other relentlessly, they still liked to poke and prod until one of them snaps and kisses the other. Fighting was their flirting.

But as the years had gone on, they’d been less fuck-buddy roommates and more…monogamous. Jonah hadn’t heard Dan brag of some new conquest in over a year. But he was sure he was getting some behind Jonah’s back- there was no way someone with such a tight ass was waiting for Jonah to come home every night to bang.

While they’d unofficially lived together for over about two years, Jonah still kept some stuff at his mom’s house. Just in case, you know? Sometimes he was out hanging with Richard and needed a night where he can just play video games and get his mom to make him breakfast. But he found himself staying over at Dan’s _more._ Hell, sometimes he’d even get Richard to come over and play video games with him when Dan has Amy over for drinks. Then Dan would kick them all out when he got too tired, use Jonah like the world’s largest teddy bear, and make him coffee in the morning.

It was good. It was nice.

It was a relationship.

But here’s the thing- Dan’s never called him his boyfriend in public. He’s never stated that they were partners. But there was no other way for Jonah to describe what they were doing. It was a relationship where Dan could kiss him in the mornings only to force him to brush his teeth. Where he could walk around in his boxers and watch trashy TV with Dan before bed. Where they ate meals together and kissed and fucked and took showers together. Jonah even keeps Dan company when he does his ridiculously long skin-care routine.

In the end, Jonah was conflicted. He knew these things. He knew Dan felt something for him. He knows he _loves_ Dan uncontrollably. But he couldn’t really know. Not really. Because Dan was so closed off he might as well not even be in the same room.

Jonah’s known forever that he likes Dan. Known for at least a year that he’s in love with his sorry ass. It causes a lot of panic. What if he’s seeing things that aren’t there? What if it’s platonic? What if Dan finds someone else and leaves him for a better life? Jonah barely thinks things through to start with. It’s funny that he’s not only actually started thinking but started to _overthink._ But there he was, overthinking about him and Dan and _love_ and their weird-ass fucking kind-of relationship.

Honestly, he thought about it a lot. Would they get married? (Jonah supposed it was a good thing Selina never followed through with overturning gay marriage.) Dan would probably divorce him during their first argument. Then they’d have some really good makeup sex followed by remarriage because let’s be real- Dan can’t keep his hands off him. He’s fucking irresistible!

Maybe they’d move into a cooler house, get a dog, or some shit. Or maybe a cat. Dan seemed like a cat person. Would they have plants? A big collection of coffee mugs from their campaigns? A kid would look good for the public- would they be _dads?_

(Jonah wasn’t sure about that last one- their little agreement didn’t seem like it would be good for kids.)

Would he have to start helping Dan when he gets panicky? He kind of kept to himself when Dan seemed like he was about to fucking lose his mind- Dan didn’t like to be seen as weak, and having a nervous breakdown, apparently, is weak.

The funny thing is, Jonah can see himself doing a lot of those things with Dan. Nobody else, but definitely Dan. He couldn’t even see himself having a happy and fulfilled life with Beth and she would do just about anything he asked!

Maybe that was the problem with it. Like, yeah, sure, they were related. But other than that. Dan pushed back. Dan bit and fought and snarked at him like nobody’s business. The fight was just as fun as it was irritating.

When Dan walks into the room, he’s already got an insult on the tip of his tongue. He’s already eaten half of the trail-mix in the bag (read: the candy) and is fully prepared to toss a cashew at Dan’s head.

He stops when he sees how… shitty he looks. Jonah knows as soon as he grabs his phone from the table and starts pacing that this isn’t going to end well. His palms look sweaty and his eyes are bloodshot. Jesus. He looks like he’s on the verge of snapping.

“Sup?” Jonah asks through a mouthful of the trail mix he’s picked all the M&M’s out of.

Dan glares at him instead of answering, mumbling under his breath. “I gotta call Amy.” He fumbles to turn the phone on in his hand, but he’s shaking so hard he fucks up the password. “God _damn it!”_

“Whoa, man, why don’t you just talk to _me_ about it?” He wipes the weird multi-colored candy stain off the palm of his hand. “I’m right here, y’know.”

“Oh, _trust me,_ I know you’re here.” He snarks back.

Ouch. “Did I do something?” He didn’t leave the toilet seat up again, did he? That always used to make his mom mad.

No answer. Dan throws his phone on the couch after another failed password attempt.

Jonah stands, starting to get pissed off. What the fuck was even happening? He’s right here! Dan can talk to him! He doesn’t need _Amy._

Besides, weren’t they a thing? Didn’t Dan trust him? It makes him feel as shitty as Dan looks. This humongous asshole just won’t tell him anything! Won’t tell him about his feelings, won’t tell him why he gets his stupid panic attacks, won’t even admit that they’re practically dating! He won’t even tell him what’s fucking wrong now! But what, he’d tell Amy? Fuck that! She wasn’t dating Dan!

And yet, neither is he. No officially. They might come off as a couple, but they’re…just friends.

That hurts. It really does. It makes him mad that he’s feeling so vulnerable. It makes him mad that Dan won’t even look him in the eye. It makes him mad that he loves Dan so much and he hasn’t even heard it back. They’ve been at this for years. Years! Years of his life tossed down the garbage, because what, Dan was so fucking repressed his ancestors were feeling it? “Fuck you, man.” He points at him, watching Dan’s crazed form turn to face him. “You should tell me what’s wrong because we’re friends!”

“That doesn’t mean shit! I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“Yuh-huh!” Jonah snaps back. “You’re a shitty friend but you’re my friend! And like, I’m here for you or whatever.”

Dan huffs a humorless laugh. “Whatever. _Why_ do you care?”

“Because I love you, asshole!”

Shit.

That was the wrong thing to say. He’s said it before, it’s no surprise. But Dan’s whole body goes rigid, the crazed look to him finally reaching his eyes. “You know I can’t fucking say it back!” His voice has gone a little shrill. Like Amy, he thinks. If Dan’s body tenses any tighter, he’s gonna shit a diamond. “I cant- You _know_ how I feel, I-“He breaks off, clenching his jaw. “Fuck you!”

“Fuck _you_ , dick!” Jonah knows this shit is going to end badly. He can feel it. But he’s just so supremely pissed off. And upset. And a little sad Dan would rather tell him to fuck off than say, “I love you”. Like it was the hardest thing to say? He just wants Dan to acknowledge that they’re in love or whatever. That they’re actually fucking dating and not hate-fucking like they were years ago when _this all started!_ “I mind as well go find someone else to choke on my dick if you’re gonna be a jerk!”

Dan turns red. “Sure! That’s gonna solve all our problems! Go find someone desperate enough to fuck you.” His words are biting.

“Like _you?”_ Jonah practically yells. If his head was a little clearer, or if his IQ was a little higher, he’d notice that Dan had started looking worse and worse as the conversation rolled on. He was bordering on a panic attack.

But Jonah’s head is still foggy. He’s not paying as much attention as he should be. He’s spent so long waiting for Dan to finally say he loves him. Wanted him to get his head out of his ass and let himself just be fucking happy for once. But he’s not doing either of those things any time soon, apparently, and Jonah feels supremely heartbroken. If Dan can’t even say he loves him, what else won't he do?

Instead of voicing any of this, Jonah goes for another insult. “I bet you can’t even get off fucking the hottest girl in D.C without thinking of me and my massive dick!”

“Good thing I don’t need to,” Dan turns to start pacing again. “You _know_ I haven’t fucked anyone else since last fucking _god damn_ year _!”_

Jonah falls silent. He…what? “You haven’t?”

“Why the fuck would I?” His voice cracks and his glare is so furious that Jonah nearly backs away. Nearly. “I don’t need anyone else, I just- “

“You’re acting like this is a _relationship_.”

And then- right then, Jonah pinpoints the moment Dan’s stupid self-centered heart rips in two.

Jonah means to say it like it was a revelation- because really, _it was._ It was amazing! Dan’s admitted he only needs _Jonah._

But the way he says it is accusing. _Mean._ He’s still obnoxiously mad and his words reflect that. It’s all wrong- none of this is right. Jonah can’t stop them from coming out the way they did. He can’t exactly take back the implications of his tone. He also can’t stop the way it makes Dan flinch. Physically _flinch._ His breathing is so ragged that Jonah’s anger starts to be replaced with worry.

Dan stalks up to him, hand shaking as he jabs his finger into his chest. And, oh god, are those tears? Dan’s eyes are all watery and shit. “Fuck off.” He punches his shoulder. “Get _out_ of the house, you stupid, inbred douche!”

“Dan- “

“I don’t wanna see _you_ or your misshapen jigsaw puzzle of a hairline!” Dan laughs thickly. It’s borderline hysterical and honestly, kind of scary.

When Jonah leaves, he wishes Dan had the common courtesy to start crying after the door closed.

He also wishes his own body wouldn’t let him cry in _general._

Neither of those things happens.

-

Is this what a breakup feels like? Sweet Jesus, does it always hurt this bad?

Jonah hasn’t changed from his one pair of sweatpants unless he was going into the office. Because apparently, it was “not appropriate” to wear sweatpants to his office as Vice President. Selina had smacked him over the head with one of her manila folders when he tried.

He hadn’t seen Dan in like, a week. His mom liked the company, but Jonah was getting annoyed just staying there. He was too big for the bed and too miserable to deal with his mom’s constant inquiries about Dan. _“How’s Dan?” “Have you heard from Dan?” “Maybe you can propose to Dan!”_

Jesus. It was annoying.

“Hey. Shit for brains.”

Amy looks furious. She’s looking at him like he’s the scum of the Earth. So. You know. Not much different than usual. “Which one of you is lying?”

“Huh?”

“Is it you?” Amy’s getting that little crazed look in her eye. Huh. _That_ looked a lot like when Dan has his nervous breakdown. Maybe best friends did rub off on each other. Metaphorically and literally, in Dan and Amy’s case. “Or is it Dan? Both of you lie as much as you fuck and I have the unpleasant knowledge to know that _that_ is a lot.” Amy sets her bag on his desk, leaning over to look him in the eyes. She exudes so much raw power if anyone walked in, they would think _she_ was Veep. “So, who. Is it?”

Jonah fixes his tie, looking around. “Um. Why- why do you think either of us is lying?”

Amy’s smile is faker than the new interns’ tits. “Listen to me, you ginormous fucking naked mole-rat. Either _Dan_ is lying to _me_ about your weird ‘It-Is-It-Isn't’ relationship. Or _you_ are. So are you or are you _not_ a thing?”

He blinks, trying to take in her words. “Uhhhh… not officially?”

“Not officially.”

“Yeeeaahhh…?”

Amy pinches the bridge of her nose. “Seriously…” She reaches over to tap a manicured fingernail on one of his photos. “You have a picture of Dan on your desk.”

“Two, actually.” He corrects. “What about it?”

“It’s the fucking official picture of you as VP, dumbass!” Amy taps the photo a little harder. “You didn’t want to look sad like you usually do. Dan said he’d take it! How do you not see this?”

He… holy shit. Jonah looks at the photo of him sitting at his own desk, Dan smiling charmingly at his side, hand on his shoulder. Like a Second Lady of the United States. Or husband. Partner? He blinks again, dragging his fingertips over Dan’s face. It never dawned on him how bold it was for Dan to take this very public photo.

Where was the media coverage? Did it get covered up? He knows Selina’s used their living arrangements as some sort of public leverage, but did they all _believe_ it? Did they look at this picture of the two of them and believe that _Dan Egan_ had decided to date his frenemy? It did paint them in a really…couple-y light.

Holy fuck.

They _were a couple_.

( _“I need someone to pose with me! Like, I’m not about to look sad and lame.” Jonah complains, sitting with his glasses off and against his palm._

_“Selina’s by herself.” Dan comments, not quite paying attention. “Plus, you’d look lame even if someone was with you. That can’t be helped.”_

_“Fuck off, I’m being serious! This is big!”_

_“So am I,” Dan says dryly, looking up from his phone. And then he flushes, eyes flitting around until they rested back on his phone. “Here’s an idea.”_

_Jonah sits up, watching how Dan starts twirling a loose piece of thread between his fingers. “What? Are you gonna suck my dick under the desk and make me feel better?”_

_“I barely want to suck your dick in private, Jonah.”_

_“Shut up. You love it.”_

_The way Dan fidgets is endearing. A little concerning, but endearing. “What if…I took the picture with you?”_

_“What, like SLOTUS?”_

_“Yes!”_

_“Cool!” Jonah smiles. “You’re a real lifesaver, Dan. Or should I say “wife-saver”? Oh… no wait that doesn’t work. Whatever! You just admitted you’re the girl.”_

_“I’m not the fucking girl in this!”_

_“Right.” Jonah snickers. “Just Second Lady.”)_

Jonah feels like a dumbass. “I…” He looks up at Amy helplessly. “He never like, told me explicitly.”

“Did _you?”_ Amy questions, rummaging through her purse for her phone. “Jesus Christ, you two are the densest idiots I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

“Thanks, not like you’re any better,” Jonah grumbles. “Stupid McPerfect hasn’t called me anyway. Which means he doesn’t give a shit! So there!”

Amy pauses, staring at him. “Jonah.”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

“Have you seen _any_ of Dan’s segments recently?”

He ducks his head, shrugging. Because, no, actually, he hasn’t. He didn’t have the courage to turn on the news and watch Dan do his stupid, short little segments on the current political climate. They’re dumb anyway. Jonah doesn’t care. He also wasn’t interested in watching Dan smile and flirt and act like nothing was wrong.

“Fucking…” Amy’s scowl deepens. She’s like two seconds away from throttling him. “Look. Just…look, okay?”

She pulls up yesterday’s segment, and Jonah frowns. His perpetual 5 o’clock shadow’s grown out into a stubble. There’re bags under his eyes covered up in concealer. Those grey hairs are there again- Dan must not have kept up with covering them up. Pretty, he thinks. But shitty, for Dan’s standards. “Dan…” he mumbles.

Amy shuts off her phone, letting Jonah stare at himself on the screen. “You know, he calls me a lot. But this time it’s every fucking night. _‘Jonah didn’t call me today, Amy.’_ And _‘Has Jonah said anything about me, Amy?’_ It’s fucking annoying! I’m not your marriage counselor!”

“He’s asking about me?”

If Amy rolled her eyes any harder, they’d fly out of her god damn skull. “I swear to God.” She taps, holding her phone up in a way Jonah can’t see what she’s doing. His stomach falls as she holds the phone up to her ear. “Dan! Hey.”

“What are you doing?” He hisses at her, leaning forward and swiping for the phone. He catches her elbow instead, hitting her before she can dart out of the way. She smacks him back, flipping him off. “Huh? Oh- Dan! Dan, yeah, ironic, because like, guess who’s here?”

There’s a scuffle on the other side of the line. Why the hell was her volume up so loud for? Was Amy getting that old? She hands Jonah her phone, laughing.

_“Amy do not hand me to that asshole!”_

“Hi, Dan.”

_“…Hi, asshole.”_

Jonah cracks a smile. It feels nice to hear his voice. “I’m, uh, having a real kickass time away from you.”

Dan’s response is dry. _“Are you.”_

“Mm.” Jonah hums, looking around at anything but Amy’s weirdly attentive gaze. “I…I miss you.”

A beat of silence. Dan audibly struggles on the other side of the call. _“Whatever. Yeah. I…miss your stupid face, too.”_

“Can I come home?”

Come home? Jonah was getting brave.

_“I never stopped you from coming back,”_ Dan says bitterly.

Jonah shifts in his seat, spinning idly. “You kicked me out, douche.”

_“I had every right.”_ Dan sniffs, and Jonah can imagine him crossing his arms. “ _You should’ve come home.”_

Come home… what the fuck. Now even Dan was saying it. Like, what, they lived together?

Wait.

Did they?

When the call ends, Jonah needs to take a minute to gather himself. He sits and thinks and ignores everyone who comes into his office because he was genuinely having a crisis. Fucking hell. Has he and Dan been officially dating this whole time? Was he upset over nothing?

(Well. Not _nothing_ , he supposed. Dan still couldn’t admit any feelings for Jonah. Plus, he was kind of being a dick.)

He looks at his desk again. The official photo sits there, glaringly obvious. Why did he ever think that was a platonic decision? There’s another photo of Dan- his headshot from the news. It’s signed in silver sharpie, _“To my biggest, most gargantuan fan. In every sense. Fuck you, xoxo Dan”_ Jonah smiles when he sees it

So, he sits and thinks some more. He brought Dan to Thanksgiving, he brought him to Christmas. They were each other’s plus-ones to events. Almost all of Jonah’s clothing is at Dan’s place. All his games and figurines and posters and shit. Dan had complained he was ruining the aesthetic of his house but never told him to take it back. They go out for dinner every so often. They get each other off most days. Dan’s even stopped sleeping with other people for at least a year. At the same time the official photo was taken.

Fuck.

Did Dan mention it? Was that his way of saying they were official? Did they both just…assume opposite things?

_“You know how I feel.”_

Suddenly that makes a lot more sense.

-

When Jonah finally steps foot on Dan’s doorstep, his stupid heart is about to beat out of his chest. He’s _home_ again. He’s brought a copy of the official VP picture of the two of them- framed and ready to hang on the wall somewhere. Maybe they’d put it in the bedroom. That way Jonah can look at how pretty Dan looks standing by his side.

It’s a little awkward when they see each other again. Dan’s facing him in a half-undone flannel and fucking _tight jeans_ like he’s a lumberjack or something. Or like, a lumberjack in a porno. He looks good, though. “Hey.” Dan nods at him, eying the little gift bag he tossed the photo into.

“Sup.” Jonah isn’t sure what his next move should be. Should he kiss him? Should he wait for Dan to make the first move? He fumbles before shoving the bag in Dan’s direction. “I, uh. Got you something?”

Dan quirks an eyebrow, scratching at the scruff on his face before accepting it. The tissue paper Richard had added crinkles, and then Dan frowns. “It’s…Jonah, we have this picture already.”

“No, no, no, dude, like…” He darts up closer and gestures to them. “Us!”

“Yeah, I have two working eyes, Jonah. I know that’s us.” Dan’s lips curl into a faint smile. “Why’d you print this?”

“Well, actually, I had one of my many employees do it for me because I’m the Vice-“

Dan stares at him blankly.

“Okay!” Jonah holds up his hands in surrender. “Fine, I printed it! Because, like, that shows _us_ , I guess. I didn’t realize we were an official thing or whatever.”

“I don’t pose for government portraits with _everyone_. I’m not a whore.”

“Weeeell-“

“Shut up.” Dan runs his fingers over the photo, flicking Jonah’s photographed face almost tenderly. “Want me to pose with Selina while I’m at it? You know, since we’re not in a fucking relationship or anything.”

“Fuck off! You never told me!”

“Oh, sorry, I thought posing for a picture publicly used as Vice President and Second _Captive_ was enough to show you.”

“That could mean anything! What if we were like really good friends?”

Dan exhales _loud._ “Okay first, that never happens. Second, I look like your _wife!”_

Jonah points at him. “So you’re admitting you’re the wife.”

“I’m _admitting,”_ Dan grits out. “That you’re a dumbass. But- and listen closely because I will _not_ repeat myself- _maybe_ I should have been more clear. I’m _sorry._ Thought you had enough brain cells to process information like this.”

“Holy shit!” Jonah crows. “You just apologized to me!”

“I take it back! You’re insufferable!” They’ve stepped even closer now. Jonah reaches out and lets himself touch, cupping Dan’s jaw in his hand. “I can’t believe you’re too stupid to figure out that we’re dating. We live together.”

“I didn’t know that either!”

“Jesus fuck, did you think I let you keep your stupid toy robot on the shelves for _fun?_ It makes it look like you’re a mutant fucking toddler.”

Jonah shrugs, sticking his tongue out defiantly. “Whatever! _Friends_ live together.”

“Oh? Mutually exclusive friends who fuck AND live together are just, what, strictly platonic now? Jonah. Wow. It really is a fucking wasteland up there huh? What, have you got a monkey smashing cymbals together as your background? Maybe your mom should’ve taken you to a different clinic. Or a better school. Which would be any of them, because- “ He whirls his finger in the air around his ear. “You’re dumb as shit.”

“I get it! I get it, Mr. I need a therapist but like, I won’t go to one because fuck that, and now I’m emotionally constipated and shit.”

Dan snorts. “I’ll go to a therapist when _you_ can ace a single math class. Which is never. Besides, honestly? You’re not like, fucking with me here? You didn’t know we were actually living together? You have clothes here.”

“I have like, a sweater at Richards house.”

“Oh! Oh, of course. That explains it. Well, do you also call Richard ‘princess’ while you ram him into the wall? Or is that your _other_ roommate?” Dan blinks, looking extremely condescending.

Jonah scrunches his nose. “Uh, well, my other roommate is my mom, so _fucking gross._ No.”

“Jonah, you’re not your mom’s roommate, you’re her 16-foot-tall parasite that refuses to leave her the hell alone.”

Flipping him off only makes Dan roll his eyes. Fondly, he hopes. Jonah shrugs again. “Shut up. Also, I don’t think Richard would be into me calling him princess like you are, _princess.”_

Dan crosses his arms. “Sure. That’s the only thing.” He shuffles, looking a little antsy. He opens his mouth, shuts it, and then opens it again. Jonah has like, twelve really good insults lined up about how Dan looks like the world's ugliest fish but decides not to say any of them. It’s definitely a new choice for him. “Listen.” Dan finally says. “I’m…sorry… that I can’t say _it_ back. And that I never wrote up an essay on when and how and why we’re dating.”

“S’okay.” Jonah rubs his thumb along Dan’s cheekbone. “I’m sorry too, I guess. Even though I did nothing wrong, ever, and this is totally on you.”

He laughs. “Asshole.”

“Hey, you wanna tell me what had you so fucking crazy last week?”

Rolling his eyes again, Dan flushes pink. He leans into Jonah’s hand, the nervous energy to him fading as he leans in close. “My mom called. She asked me when you were going to propose. Or when I was. She didn’t give a shit who does it, but she wants a wedding. It’s fucking scary, you know because I’m 41, dude, and you _just now_ realized that we’re _dating_ and-“ He heaves a breath. “I can fucking _see_ us getting married and shit and it was horrifying.” Dan slumps forward until his face is pressed against Jonah’s chest. “Also, I hate you.”

“That’s no way to talk to your boyfriend. Or is it fiancé? Don’t wanna disappoint Mama Egan.”

“Fuck off!”


	2. Dan fucks his way through feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of sexual assault, and a non-graphic grabbing in the beginning.

What Jonah never realized was that all of DC knew about his relationship before he did. Partly because Selina used them for clout, but also because of the picture. Probably. And because word got out fast and interns had _definitely_ heard shit going on in Jonah’s office 

People probably gossiped about them when Dan was his campaign manager. Which, you know, they had every right. Jonah tried to get Dan to call him ‘Congressman’ while being plowed over his desk in his old, stuffy office. It just ended in a bunch of winded arguing that people… _definitely heard_.

Since reconciling, they’ve gotten more publicly protective of one another. Or…possessive. Whichever one. Both. Nobody ogles Jonah like they do Dan- it never happens, really. Shit, he even had that stupid movement of thousands of women putting it out there that they’ve _never dated him._

So maybe it’s not so public that it’s terribly obvious. They’re still antagonistic enough with one another that the media is questioning about it all. But Jonah knows. And so do the interns Dan’s insulted in Jonah’s honor.

Interns insults (and co-workers. And employees) were just verbal. Which was good. Jonah can handle insults. Really, he can! He’s Jonah fucking Ryan. His ego’s bigger than whatever insecurities he might have.

It was verbal, of course, until it wasn’t.

Not like anyone hit him. Or like, spit on him or something. They’d go to jail for sure.

It was weird that Teddy only was _not_ currently imprisoned but was still employed. Sure, he was registered as a sex offender, but like… he was still employed and comfortable. Jonah didn’t understand that one. And while his discomfort towards Teddy had slowly melted into anger, it was still there. Just like Teddy’s wandering hands.

The first time it happened, Jonah was too shocked to act. He wasn’t even too sure what happened. It was surreal. And really, really, gross. It made him antsy. Nervous. Uncomfortable to even look at Teddy. But he had to! He got over it, he tried to move on. Tried to convince himself that it was just guys being dudes.

Dan saw it happen once, too flabbergasted of the blatant sexual harassment before being called off to save Selina’s ass once again.

When he witnesses it again, he isn’t so quiet.

Despite being the Veep, Teddy still thought it would be fun to remind him of how much of an incompetent idiot he was. And, despite being caught before, Teddy still acted like he could get away with it.

Dan had noticed the way Jonah had started to shuffle away from Teddy and had taken to be his shadow- if Teddy was there, so was Dan, his freshly tweezed eyebrows furrowed into a scowl.

It didn’t, unfortunately, stop Teddy from trying anything. They’re walking down the corridor, Dan between them, when Teddy decides he’s going to go for Jonah’s ass when he breaks off from their group. Jonah jumps at the contact, broad shoulders knocking straight into the side of Dan’s head.

“Ow!” Dan hisses. “What the- “

And then, faster than either of them can blink, Dan’s got his hands fisted in Teddy’s dress shirt, slamming him into the wall so hard the frame off to their right shakes and rattles. His knuckles are white- Dan looks pissed.

“Egan, what the fuck!” Teddy wheezes, struggling. Dan pulls him forward just to slam him back, letting Teddy’s head smack into the plaster.

“Listen up, you pudgy, insignificant piece of shit.” Dan threatens, all righteous fury and no filter. “Touch him again- even think about touching him- and I’ll break every finger on your disgusting little rat hands.”

“Is that a _threat?”_

“Yes.” His smile is more a snarl. There are too many teeth. “You should know better than to touch people without their consent.”

“You don’t scare me.” Teddy tries his hardest to look defiant, but he’s starting to sweat like a teenager who got caught with a smut rag.

“Oh? Oh?” Dan shakes him. “I don’t? Maybe prison, does, Teddy. You know, I heard a few things, about the insides of prisons. And I don’t think they’d like you too much. You’d be dead before sundown.”

It’s a ridiculous notion- Teddy going to jail. He’d pay his way out of it before they even slapped handcuffs on him. But the way Dan’s talking makes it seem like a very dangerous possibility. So much so, Teddy pales. Like he never even considered what it would be like for someone like him to be in prison. “So, what,” he chokes out. “You can touch, and I can’t?”

“ _I_ can touch because the Jolly Green Jackass back there is _mine to touch._ And frankly, I’m better than you in SO many ways, including, apparently, getting consent.” Dan’s voice drops to a (kind of sexy, if he’s being honest) growl. His fingers flex before releasing Teddy’s shirt. He adjusts the cuffs of his sleeves. “I’m tired of looking at your face, you melted fucking Picasso painting.”

He grabs Jonah’s arm in a vice grip, fingers digging into the muscle. As flattered as he is, he can’t help but tease. “I’m yours to touch, huh, Dan?”

“Shut up, Jonad.”

“That’s kind of possessive.” Jonah snickers.

Dan casts a glance at him, face red. “Shut the fuck up and help me find some shit on him. I’m making that dick _pay.”_

Honestly, this was kind of hot. Was that weird? Jonah didn’t give a crystal shit if it was. He smiles at Dan, truly and honestly smiles. This angry little gremlin was aaaaalll his.

Cool. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

-

They get home that night feeling a lot different than when they got to the building. Jonah’s engines have been revving since Dan threatened Teddy for him. To be honest, he was surprised he hadn’t like, sucked him off in the office before they left.

It might be an emotional thing. Jonah felt kind of fuzzy since the whole incident. Gross because of Teddy. Angry, because of Teddy. Charmed and turned on, because of Dan. Overall, though, it felt…weird. He doesn’t want to talk about what happened, but his old therapist would have kicked his ass hearing that.

Dan comes back downstairs, dressed down in one of Jonah’s big ass t-shirts. He glances over at Jonah still in his work clothes, eyeing him up. “You okay?”

“You’re asking if I’m okay? Hah, gay.”

A rogue pen is tossed at his head. “I’m checking up on you, dumbass. Sorry that I’m being nice and making sure you’re okay after being _assaulted.”_

“Okay, it wasn’t like, assault.”

“It was!”

They stare at each other for a moment. Dan’s left eyebrow ticks. He’s growing annoyed with the silence. But Jonah’s not sure what to even say. Should he argue? Should he smile and tell Dan he loves him again? Should he tell Dan he wants to run his hands under the shirt and grab at _his_ ass consensually? He’s not sure which one is appropriate in this situation. So, he shrugs instead. “Guys bein’ dudes, dude.”

“It’s fucking not! Just because Jane McCabe grabbed _my_ ass and tried to feel me up doesn’t make it, what, fucking locker room behavior.” He shifts uncomfortably. Jonah frowns, sitting up from his spot on the couch. He never knew McCabe did anything like _that._ “Also, don’t ‘dude’ me,” Dan scowls, throwing yet another curveball in their conversation to get out of speaking more on that. “You’ve had your dick in me. You can’t call me dude anymore.”

“You called me dude yesterday.”

“My dick hasn’t been in you.”

Jonah makes a buzzer noise. “Your dick’s been in my mouth, so. Wrong again, Egan!”

Dan cracks a smile. “Shut up, Jonad.” He says, so fond it makes his chest hurt. “Listen, I’m being serious, okay? That shit was assault. You didn’t deserve that.”

Jonah nods. Because, really, what else was he supposed to do? Argue with him? Agree with him? He knows it was wrong, he knows Teddy’s a fucking gross douchebag. But seriously. If he thinks about it anymore, he’d going to break out into hives. His mind keeps circling back to Dan’s fly away comment about Jane McCabe. If this were any other setting, he would’ve brought up how teenage Jonah would have _loved_ to have his ass grabbed by a hottie like Jane McCabe. But Jonah’s changed. A little. He’s Vice President now. He’s classy.

Plus, he didn’t like the concept of someone grabbing _his_ boyfriend without his consent. Milf or not. “Thanks. Sorry, that happened to you, too. Must’ve sucked. But like, not as much, because Jane McCabe is like, way hotter than Teddy, right?”

“Oh, for sure, but also: absolutely fucking not, you dense cloud of gas.” His hand finds the small of Jonah’s back, pressing soothing circles into his spine. It’s uncharacteristically soft. Domestic. Dan’s wiggled himself so close, their hips are flush together. He loves the intimacy- craves it. They’ve never particularly been sappy sweet unless they were sleepy in some post-coital haze. Jonah lets his hand rest on the inside of Dan’s bare thigh, drinking in how much of Dan fit in one of his hands. His fingertips graze his knee. Neither of them says anything for a long while. They don’t have to.

After a moment, Jonah turns to plant a kiss at Dan’s temple. It’s a little wet, and he snorts at how Dan wrinkles his nose, trying way too hard to stifle a smile. His hand comes to push at Jonah’s face, shoving him to the opposite end of the couch. Jonah grins, licking a long stripe up his palm.

“Gross!” Dan yanks his hand back, jabbing his fingers in Jonah’s sides in retaliation.

It takes approximately two seconds for them to start play fighting- Jonah swats at Dan’s perfectly coiffed hair. Dan tries to push his body right off the side of the couch. Predictably, it also takes two seconds for their play fighting to lead to messy kisses, which in turn leads to Dan pressing him gently into the couch cushions. He sits right in Jonah’s lap like it was his seat of choice. They’re both at such an angle that they’re chest to chest, lips barely touching one another. “This okay?” Dan mumbles.

“Isn’t it always?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

Jonah scoffs. “Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. You’ve cried like, at least a thousand times with my dick in you. Are you trying to tell me I’m not good?”

“I have never cried, ever. Fuck you.”

“Fuck you!” Jonah laughs.

The look on Dan’s face is that weird mixture of irritated and endeared. Just for Jonah. “I’m trying to be polite- “

“Congratulations.”

“Oh, my God. Do I need to gag you?” Dan flicks his cheek. “Stop opening that black hole of a fucking mouth of yours. I’m not gonna baby you, but like, if you’re _uncomfortable_ right now then this waits.”

“Dan.” Jonah cups his boyfriend's face in his hands, smoothing his thumbs over-familiar freckles. Dan’s face is starting to gain that patchy flush he gets when he tries so hard to have real, human emotions. “Dude- oh! Sorry. Can’t call you dude, anymore, huh? What about darling? Sweetheart?”

“Disgusting.” Dan deadpans.

“Baby?” Jonah knows he’s fond of _that_ one, grinning when Dan’s face goes a phenomenal shade of fire engine red. He lets his voice dips into what he _thinks_ is a purr. And, judging by the way Dan’s pupils blow, he’s hit the jackpot. “Thaaat’s it. You like that one, huh, _baby?”_

Dan rolls his eyes, wrangling his hand to bury itself in Jonah’s hair, tugging so gently at the roots. It feels fucking good- he lets out a pleased hum. “What the hell were you going to say, moron?”

“Oh, that? Are you sure you’re not too distracted?”

“Jonah.” Dan regards him with a dead-eyed stare. “We could be mid-fuck and I could still do my segment on live TV. Trust me. I’m not distracted.”

And, because Jonah’s an asshole at heart, all he heard is a challenge. “Mid-fuck, huh? On-air?” He rocks his hips up, watching how Dan’s mouth goes slack. “We could do that, y’know. It would be so cool to see you fuck up on air.”

“ _Please.”_ Dan huffs a laugh, but the way he says it is off- almost like he wants Jonah to do something to him while everyone can see. His voice drops. “I’m not screaming your name on live TV.”

“What about right here?”

“You really think you could do it?”

“I’ve done it before, haven’t I?”

This weird foreplay of theirs was starting to blur his thoughts. He vaguely remembers wanting to reassure Dan that no matter what happened, he’d always be comfortable with Dan. Because Dan was _Dan,_ and he’d want him even when they’re a thousand years old and have to take Viagra to get it up. Even _if_ he wanted to circle back around to it, Jonah didn’t think he could put it into words that didn’t sound like an awkward middle school love poem. So, he’d _show_ him instead. He’d keep up their dumb little back-and-forth, he’d kiss the life out of Dan’s stupid pretty mouth.

Dan watches him closely, amused. “You’re thinking too hard. Must be difficult. Your brain never gets that kind of action.”

“I get _tons_ of action.”

Dan snorts. “Yeah, me.”

Jonah laughs, letting his lips ghost Dan’s. Their kisses are usually much more rough and demanding- but Jonah kind of likes the tenderness of it. “Exactly.” He says, smug. “I’m doin’ you so good- “

“Okay, I’m gonna stop you there.” Hands come snake up his chest. “First of all- just because you made me develop a size kink doesn’t mean you’re ‘doin’ me so good’ you absolute fucking giant.”

Holy shit! Jonah grins, opening his mouth to boast. A size kink? For fucking _real_? He knew he was good, but _damn, Dan._ Who could blame him though? Jonah was just massive. Huge. Not to brag, or anything. Before he can speak, Dan holds up his hand, effectively cutting off any words.

“Second of all- you’re thinking. Too. Much. Look, I get it, okay? But you’re all over the god damn place.” He balls up his fist and punches his chest. A tap, really. Jonah’s got so much muscle he can barely feel it. (He doesn’t, but it sounds better than the fact that he kind of wants Dan to do it again- the confines of his pants grew a little tighter.) Dan’s poker face is alarmingly good. “I’m trying, okay? I am.”

Truthfully, he doesn’t have to say anything. The worry in Dan’s eyes is astoundingly evident. Even if his face is freakishly blank, Jonah has no problem in reading the worry and anxiety in his body language. Stupid, emotionally constipated Dan. “I know.” He lets his arms wrap around Dan’s waist, hands splaying out _just_ above his ass. The tension in the room is palpable- even with Dan’s scary-ass dead fish look hovering above him. “Can we fuck now?”

“I thought you got tons of action.” Dan teases. “Got blue balls already?”

“Get me off already! It’s been a long day.”

“I _already_ got you off this morning, dumb-shit.” Dan rocks his hips down, moving so that Jonah’s hands come to fully cup his ass. His words grow a little husky. “Remember? Or do you need a reminder?”

Oh, he _remembers._ How could he forget? Seriously, he hasn’t forgotten a single thing they’ve done together since they’ve met. Not that he’d tell Dan that- he’s so narcissistic he might actually leave Jonah for his own reflection. Jonah’s got a killer memory- and a killer dick, too, he thinks when he remembers how many times Dan’s demands have melted into whines. This morning Dan had woken him up slowly. Nervous, even, he’d say. They’d kissed and touched and jerked each other off until Jonah came all over Dan’s hand with a very masculine cry. He had watched Dan suck every bit of his cum off his fingers, not once breaking eye contact.

They didn’t talk much after. But Dan was a little less nervous. Like he had chickened out of something last minute. (Vaguely, Jonah wonders if he had something planned. Or, he thinks hopefully, he’d have something planned for later.)

To be fair, they don’t talk too much in the mornings. Especially when stating their libidos. Jonah’s decidedly _not_ a morning person, and Dan’s too preoccupied with his morning routine to have a conversation. So maybe Dan didn’t get the memo that a handy wasn’t gonna fucking cut it today. Instead, Jonah presses himself up against Dan’s sad, half-hard dick, wishing he had some cool superpower to poof Dan’s clothes off his body. It was only a t-shirt and briefs, but Jonah’s lazy by nature. He’d rather not have anything in the way.

Hungry for him already, Dan lets his own head drop to kiss at his neck- nipping and biting just under the collar line of his shirt, popping buttons faster than Jonah had popped a boner over Dan’s stupidly big t-shirt and bare legs. “Fuck.” Dan mutters against his skin, rutting against him with newfound vigor. It takes less than a minute for Dan to get as hard as Jonah felt, hips bucking until he’s half-bouncing, half-grinding on Jonah’s dick. “Take your pants off.”

“You’re sitting on me AND my pants.”

“Do I have to do everything?” Dan glowers at him, sliding down until he’s standing on wobbly feet. He crosses his arms, waiting. “Take your fucking pants off, and _maybe_ I’ll ride your cock so good you cry.”

Scrambling for his belt, Jonah wastes very little time. Dan’s bossy in bed- he’s also bossy every fucking other place, but Jonah’s always liked it a lot better when they were in bed. He likes things a certain way and isn’t afraid to tell Jonah straight to his face. If he fucks him just right, those orders become less an _order_ and more _begging._ And _that_ really gets Jonah to lose his mind.

His boxers join the pile of his clothing on the floor. Carefully, he angles his head to watch Dan- who’s decided to take his sweet time with tugging his shirt over his head. Not that Jonah has a problem with it- Dan likes to make a show. Jonah likes to watch.

And then, alarmingly, Dan stops. His thumbs are hooked into his boxers but he’s not _moving_ them down his thighs. “What’re you doing?” Jonah squawks. “Show me your dick!”

“Charming,” Dan says dryly. “Come on,” he extends his hand. “I’m not riding you on this couch. You’re taking up all the room.”

“Am not!” Jonah grabs his hand.

“Are too.” Dan hauls him up, intertwining their fingers. They move to the bedroom faster then they’ve ever before, giddy and lovesick and grossly horny- like some teenager about to get laid for the first time.

When they get there, Dan stands on his tiptoes, stealing a kiss from him. Jonah’s heart beats a little faster in his chest when he kisses back, using his free hand to rest at Dan’s jaw. He’s always felt euphoric kissing Dan- like he’s just won the coolest most fuckable prize out there.

“I’m gonna give you the best orgasm of your _life,_ ” Dan mutters against his lips. “And then, I’m gonna rip Syke’s dick right off his Pillsbury Dough Boy ass body. _Nobody_ fucks with you and gets away with it.” He nips Jonah’s lower lip, eyes ablaze.

And shit, Jonah already liked Mean Dan so much. But _Sweet_ Dan? _Protective_ Dan? That was alluring in a whole other way. He blinks, starstruck, letting Dan manhandle him enough to lay flat on his back, a pillow under his head and legs spread. “ _You_ fuck with me.” Jonah grins, watching Dan shimmy his stupid, tight briefs down his thighs.

“I’m allowed to.” He climbs over to straddle Jonah’s waist, hands on his own flexed thighs. “Besides. I fuck you more than I fuck _with you.”_

“I’m the one doing all the fucking.” Jonah lets his hands wander up to Dan’s hips. “You just lay there, princess.”

“What are _you_ doing right now, Einstein?” Dan brackets Jonah’s head with his hands, lowering himself until they’re nose to nose. “ _You’re_ just laying there. Wanna do something?” A hand darts out to snatch the lube from their bedside, pressing it against Jonah’s chest. “Open me up.”

Jonah does as he’s told. The lube’s cool to the touch and these motions are so familiar he expects the way Dan twitches at the first touch. Neither of them says anything else, Jonah listening with intense interest as Dan starts making those pretty little noises.

“So good.” Dan sighs, eyes flicking over to lock onto Jonah’s. “Gimme more.”

He adds a second finger on command, flushing at the gentleness of his tone. Dan’s starting to look beautifully blissful as Jonah scissors him open. They've done this time and time again, but it’s always intoxicating to watch how Dan will fall apart for him. He adds a third without having to be asked, fucking into him the way he knows Dan likes. “Good?” He asks, even though he doesn’t have to.

Dan nods, swooping in to kiss him again. There’s more bite than last time, Dan’s teeth clack against his own. Jonah kind of likes it actually- Dan’s usually so smooth. His messy kissing proves how absolutely fucked up Dan got over Jonah. It makes him feel good. Powerful, even. He draws more and more moans from him, demolishing Dan with just three fingers.

Unsteady hands come to wrap around Jonah, thumb swiping over the reddened head. It sends sparks up his spine when Dan’s wrists twist in a delicious way. His hips thrust up into Dan’s hand. Jonah presses his fingers in deeper, groaning.

“Okay,” Dan hisses, rocking himself down to meet Jonah’s fingers. The cleft of his ass rubs against the tip of Jonah’s dick. It’s too much and not enough all at once. Dan pumps twice more before letting go of him, using his clean hand to grab Jonah’s chin. “Okay. Fuck! Jonah, I need you _now.”_ His slick hand swats at Jonah’s wrist, trying to get his fingers to stop fucking him for one second. “Get your cock in me or I’ll find something else.”

He didn’t have to tell him twice. He crooks his fingers one last time, pressing against Dan’s prostate in a way that makes him gasp. His fingers are slick as he grips Dan’s hips, guiding him to sit back.

“Oh, fuck.” Dan’s eyes are half-lidded. His face goes slack. Jonah’s only halfway in, but Dan’s thighs are already trembling, muscle taut under his skin. It’s so fucking unfair that Dan can look like this. His hips come up off the bed, desperate to make Dan feel good. “Oh, Jonah.” He gasps, sinking further and further until Jonah’s bottomed out. They sit there, flush together and panting before Dan speaks up again. “Jonah, you feel so _good.”_

Jonah flushes down to his chest. Did Dan light one up when he wasn’t looking? Was he fucking high? Dan’s usually a lot more demanding then he is praising. He’s more of a “ _you better start fucking me now”_ kind of guy than a _“you feel so good”_ kind of guy.

Not to say he didn’t like it. Because he knew it was true. Jonah didn’t even have to start thrusting yet to know he was good. But hearing _Dan say it to him_ made his dick twitch,

Curiously, he looks up at Dan’s dopey little smile. He’s gotta be high, he thinks, before all thought process shuts down as Dan starts to move.

The pace is brutally slow- Dan’s rising and falling just fast enough to make Jonah groan. (Jonah kind of _really_ wants to flip them over and plow him into the mattress, but he holds out. Dan looks like he’s taken an extra valium- he’s amping himself up for something.) Moving until he’s almost completely out, Dan’s kneeling in a way that makes the overhead light cast a halo around Dan’s mussed up head of hair. He’s _angelic._ Unfairly gorgeous. Jonah wants to reach up and touch.

He does. Well, he tries to, anyway. Dan’s just out of his reach. The bastard could definitely lean forward so that Jonah can touch him, but he stays teasingly just out of reach. That doesn’t stop his own hands from grazing him as he sinks back down, caressing him in such a gentle way. Jonah opts to rub his hands up his thighs, holding onto him like his life depended on it.

“Fuck,” Dan wheezes, Jonah’s fingers digging into his flesh. The flash of pain dan must feel is pretty good- his hips rock down sharper than before. Dan falls within his reach, letting him cup his jaw with his big hand. “You’re going to split me in half.”

“Told you.” Jonah mumbles, brain going a little fuzzy with each rise and fall.

Dan quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t argue. When his hips roll down again, Jonah sees stars. “ _God,”_ Jonah wants to kiss him again. “You’re pretty.”

“Mm,” Dan hums, turning his head to kiss his palm. He’s going fucking insane just laying here, Dan being so tender. His hips jerk up, slamming back into Dan so _right_ that Dan throws his head back, baring his throat. He’s got the strongest urge to dark up and mark him up. Make everyone so aware that Dan’s his. He wants to bite him, leave bruises that last long enough it might as well scar. “You make me feel so good.” Dan’s words start to slur together, hips rising slow and unsteady. They slam down hard enough for the both of them to gasp, hands gripping wherever they can reach. “I lo- _fuck._ ” His blush is a little splotchy, eyes unfocused.

Whatever part of Jonah’s brain that still was getting blood hooked its fangs into the choked out “ _I lo-“and_ holds it there. He fixates on it, half in awe and half irritated that Dan can’t even say the rest of the phrase. But, to be extremely fair, it’s way more than he’s ever said before. Fuck. Fuck! He’s got to kiss him _now._ He has to.

“Can I sit up?” He asks, hips rising off the bed.

“I dunno, can you?” Dan snarks, settling back down on Jonah’s lap. “Uncomfortable?”

“Just wanna kiss you.”

Weirdly enough, those words do it for Dan. There’s a newfound urgency in his eyes, pulling up and off of Jonah’s cock with a literal fucking _whine._ The absence of Dan makes him hiss, but he’s barely got any time to react before Dan’s pushing him up and against the headboard.

He’s sitting with a lapful of Dan again in record time. “Kiss me then, asshole.” Dan moves back like it’s the only place he’d ever want to be.

_I love you,_ Jonah thinks, manhandling Dan back where he should be- bouncing on Jonah’s cock at an agonizing pace. It’s tight and wet and _hot_ , and Jonah finally licks his way into Dan’s eager mouth.

Dan gasps out praises between kisses. Little things that go straight to both Jonah’s ego and his dick. He wasn’t aware of any fucking _praise kink,_ but he certainly was now. They had never fucked like this. Not slow and sweet. He’d never realized how much he liked Dan telling him he was all his while kissing him. Or how much he liked having someone look at him like he’s something holy. Maybe it’s the almost desperate way Dan’s looking at him. Or maybe it’s the way he stutters out expletives as Jonah’s hand comes down to smack at his ass. Or maybe it was the way Dan was tilting his neck for Jonah to latch onto that was making this so unique.

Who gave a fuck what it was, specifically? Jonah sucks an angry mark down low on his neck, smacking him in the same spot, desperate to do anything to make Dan move faster.

“Fuuck,” Dan moans. “Jonah, fuck, fuck me, ohh-“ He cuts off with a shuddery gasp, tilting his head to give Jonah better access. “Fill me up, come on, make me yours.”

“Yeah,” Jonah pants against his throat, hips jerking up. “Holy shit. You’re _mine.”_

“Jonah!” Dan cries. His voice is wobbly and desperate, but the dude has _incredible_ control of himself. He doesn’t speed up, doesn’t even try to. He’s a man of his word. He was gonna draw out Jonah’s orgasm until it was the only thing he could remember for the next _year._ “Fucking… Christ.”

In all honesty, he’s not sure how long they’ve been at it. His muscles burn in such a good way. They’re both sweat-soaked and shaking, jittery from the exhilaration. He’s starting to feel a little _over_ stimulated, even. He’s sensitive and blissed out with each roll of Dan’s hips, sparks shooting up his spine every time he bottoms out. They’ve been kissing and fucking like time didn’t hold them captive- they held only each other at this moment. _I love you_ , he thinks again, when Dan’s careful rhythm starts to slip.

He opens his mouth to say it. Or something else equally mushy. He hasn’t quite figured it out yet.

But Dan beats him to the mark. “Don’t leave me again,” He whispers, reverent like he’s at a confession. His teeth graze Jonah’s earlobe, blunt nails digging into his shoulder blades. “I need you.”

“I got you,” Jonah promises. “Fuck, _Dan_.”

“Jonah,” Dan breathes against his neck. He alternates between kissing and whispering the sweetest things he’s ever been told. “You, _ah,_ look so good like this, y’know that?” His tongue soothes over a love-bite. “Fuck! You’re so big, Jonah, fuck. I want you, I _need_ you-“

Tears prick at Jonah’s eyes. He can’t help it. Between his orgasm building up and words so gentle, he’s not sure which is actually making him cry _more._ It’s a lot.

And then, suddenly, he has a revelation. His mind flashes back to the eerily calm way Dan brought this on. To how calm and careful and collected he was. To the way, he was praising him and riding him like he never had before. To this _morning,_ when it looked like he was trying to work up the courage to do something. Dan planned this out. All of this. Their spat about Dan’s feelings a week ago only happened because Dan’s carefully placed filter was still in place. In order to speak his mind, he needed to let loose. And apparently, the recipe to remove Dan’s filter was a couple of valium and Jonah’s cock. Here, with Jonah nearly splitting him open, his mind is so blank and fuzzy he can say whatever the fuck he wants.

Jonah thinks it might be the sweetest gesture anyone’s ever done for him out of the kindness of their heart. (And he uses those words liberally- Dan’s never done anything out of the kindness of his heart _ever.)_ One tear slides its way down his cheek, catching Dan on the jaw as he mouths at Jonah’s neck.

“You okay?” Dan moves, thunking their foreheads together.

“Yeah,” Jonah croaks. “Wanna come.”

“Not yet,” Dan whispers, moving his hands to cup his face. “ _Please._ Not yet.”

There’s still more to say, Jonah thinks and lets him have his way.

Dan keeps their faces close, kissing him like he’s going off to fucking war or something. His hips rut down, hard, and the edges of Jonah’s vision go white. “I m-missed you so much,” Dan’s own eyes are watery. “Ah, Jesus, Jonah, don’t leave me again or I swear… ohh, I’ll never ever touch your pretty cock again.”

“You think it’s pretty?” Jonah finds himself grinning, watching Dan roll his eyes.

“It’s pretty because I’m sitting on it, dipshit.” Dan’s fingers start to shake against his jaw. Watery eyes meet watery eyes, and Jonah’s chest genuinely aches with how much he loves this little egotistical pretty man.

Each roll of Dan’s hips squelches obscenely. Jonah’s not sure where to look- at the way Dan’s lips have gone all slick and red, or at how his cock slips so easily into him. “I love you.” He blurts out.

Dan slows his pace to a stop, staring at him with lust blown eyes. “I… you, me too. Shit, I… _fuck_ , Jonah.” His sentence is barely coherent. It’s kind of sad that even still he can’t fully admit it. But man alive, does Jonah want to hear it.

And why shouldn’t he? He’s said it at least three times more than Dan has. His hands flex around Dan’s hips, gripping at him harsher than before. If fucking him is going to drop his filter, then Jonah will just have to fuck the words out of him. He lifts Dan easily and slams him back down so suddenly and viciously that Dan stutters out a scream. “Say it.” He urges, watching Dan’s eyes roll into the back of his head after another sharp thrust.

No words come out. Dan’s mouth is open and _silent_ for once, a few tears spilling over his cheeks. One hand comes up to encircle the base of his own cock, squeezing just enough to keep him from coming.

“Say it,” Jonah repeats, kissing down his throat until he reaches the spot he’d been so desperate to bite before. He times it with his next thrust, hitting his prostate at the same time he bites down hard, sinking his teeth into freckled skin until all he can taste is _Dan._

“I love you!” Dan whines, slamming his own hips down hard. They’ve both given up trying to fuck slow- they’re too unraveled to even think straight anymore. “I love you!” Dan repeats, a few tears falling from Dan’s chin to splash onto Jonah’s chest. It becomes something of a mantra- Dan’s mumbling it like it’s a prayer, urgent and worshipful. Dan’s nails drag down his back so hard it stings, but he barely notices over the way Dan’s keeping himself from coming too soon.

His back stretches over the scratches as he shifts to get a better angle, pummeling into Dan so fast he’s not even making coherent words. He kisses Dan so hard it hurts. It’s not even a full kiss, honestly, but it feels _good._ Dan’s gasping and groaning into his mouth, bouncing so hard Jonah’s worries he’s going to break. “Dan,” he tries to swat his hand away from his dick. “Come for me, baby.”

Dan’s head falls back, choking out a whine as he comes untouched all over their chests. He shakes and cries and falls back until Jonah’s fully buried in him again. It takes an embarrassing two seconds for Jonah to follow, coming so hard he thinks he feels like he’s fucking astral projecting.

He didn’t think he’s blacked out or anything, but he _must_ have, because when he comes to, Dan’s slumped forward, kissing at his neck.

“Are you g’nna get off me?” Jonah slurs, turning so his nose is buried in Dan’s hair.

“Jonah.” Dan rasps. “I don’t think I can fucking _move.”_

Jonah smirks, cocky. If there’s one thing that inflates his ego, it’s fucking Dan so good he can't walk. “Well VP _does_ stand for… uh… Verygood Penetration?”

Barking out a laugh, Dan pulls away, hands still on his shoulders. “How long did it take your single brain cell to think of that one? Very good is two words.”

“I know, _dick!”_ Jonah laughs, shifting to sit up a little straighter. He hisses as his cock, overstimulated, rubs against Dan’s tight ass.

“Out,” Dan demands, slapping his thigh. He struggles to dismount, muscles shaking. “I’m not a fucking cockwarmer.”

“You kinda are.”

“Shut the fuck up and lift me up a little bit.”

He does as Dan says, wincing when his cock slides out. Lube and cum dribble down the inside of Dan’s thighs, smearing against the sheets as he leans down beside Jonah. It’s kind of like a claim, he thinks idly. He’d like people to see Dan like this- bitten and claimed and utterly debauched. He’s got bruises on his hips and a handprint on his ass. He looks like a fucking renaissance painting.

“Oh, shit,” Dan swears, sliding his hand between Jonah’s back and the headboard. “You’re bleeding.”

“Cool.” Jonah feels sleepy, sinking lower and lower until he’s all but laying down.

“Not ‘cool’, dumb-shit.” Dan nags. “You want an infection?”

“Put some Neosporin on, then.”

“It’s _your_ back.”

“You did it!”

“Fuck off.”

Jonah twists to grin at him, moving so that they’re nose to nose. Dan just stares at him, struggling to keep the smile off his face.

The energy between them feels more comfortable than ever. Jonah thinks it might be because it’s all in the open, now. Dan’s finally admitted he loved Jonah back, they’ve reconciled, and they’ve had their extremely good makeup sex.

It’s a struggle for Dan to get up when he tries. He’s always been prissy- won't fucking sleep with dried cum on him. It takes a second to find his footing, and Jonah takes smug joy in watching him wobble to the bathroom. “I totally plowed your ass!” Jonah calls after him.

“Fuck off!” Is the fond but expected reply. “That was all me, you gargantuan dildo.”

Jonah buzzes like in some game show. “Wrong.” He slides off the bed. He stumbles and needs to take a minute to find _his own_ footing. “Remember? I totally fucked your brains out.”

He finds Dan leaning against the counter, rummaging through the medicine cabinet for their little tube of Neosporin. He holds it up when he finds it. “Turn around,” he says instead of a retort.

He lets Dan rub the medicine into the scratches on his back, running his fingers down and back up, working it in small circles. It feels good, honestly. And intimate. Dan rarely does these kinds of things for him out of nowhere.

Fingers linger before they pull away. Dan plants a chaste kiss to the middle of his back. “Okay, Count Von Dickhead. My turn.”

The bite mark is vivid purple and _huge._ It’s already starting to scab from where Jonah drew blood. It’s prominent. Jonah applies the Neosporin proudly. He knows it’ll be covered up when Dan gets dressed in the morning, but just knowing that it’s there is exhilarating. “Wanna take a shower with me?” he asks.

“You just put this shit on, you wanna wash it off already?”

“Doesn’t it just soak in as soon as you put it on?”

Dan physically deflates, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It- whatever, Jonah, but you’re not sticking your dick in me again.” He turns on his heel, turning on the water. “You’re washing my hair.”

Jonah likes washing Dan’s hair for him. Not that he’d ever fucking say that otherwise, it would become like, his _job._ He does it anyway, though, even though Dan has two working hands he can use to clean himself.

His shampoo smells nice, like vanilla and something flowery. Jonah thinks this is all worth it to lather it up and shape Dan’s hair into little spikes. (He also likes getting close enough to count all of Dan’s freckles, but math was never his strong suit and he gives up around 30.) He uses his clean hand to flick water at Dan’s face, laughing when he smacks him in the chest. “Soooo,” he draws out, lathering Dan’s hair and giving him a mohawk. “When you throw yourself at me and beg me to marry you, are you gonna take my last name?”

“You really think _I’m_ gonna be the desperate one? You’ve been calling me the wife in the relationship for a year, asshole.” Dan circles his fingers around one of Jonah’s nipples- it’s mindless. He’s always gotten a little spacey when his scalp is scratched. “You’re the one doing the proposing. Plus- Dan Ryan?”

“It sounds badass.”

“Jonah Egan sounds better.” Dan’s eyes are half-lidded and sleepy.

Jonah scoffs. “No way, then people are gonna think _I’m_ the bottom!”

“The only thing people are going to assume is that I have _Stockholm Syndrome.”_ He yawns. “Just like Beauty and the Beast. Except Beast looks better.”

Tugging at his soapy hair, Jonah tries to get back at him without having them both slip and bust their heads open against the tub. “Shut up, Egan. Belle’s hotter than you, anyway.”

“Belle _wishes.”_ Dan meets his eyes, amused. “I want a nice ring. Expensive.”

“Fuck you, you think I have money?”

“You’re Vice President of the United States!”

“So?”

Dan scowls. “If you give me a fucking Ring Pop, I’m leaving you.”

“What if it’s blue raspberry?” Jonah shoves Dan under the spray of water, ringing the soap from his hair. It was soft under his fingers and a little grey at the sides- he hasn’t touched it up this week. But Jonah found he didn’t mind too much. It looked nice this way. Plus, it gave him loads more ammunition for insults.

“Fuck you.” Dan sputters, closing his eyes under the stream. “I want cherry.”

They stand under the water arguing about which flavor is best (it’s blue raspberry- duh.) until Dan’s nice and cleaned up. And then, Dan cleans him up too, making him squat under the water so he can use Jonah’s cheap shampoo and conditioner.

It smells like lavender or some shit, but Dan won’t let him touch his $40 shampoo OR his equally obnoxious conditioner. (“Did you buy it?” Dan snarks, and lathers him up.) It’s definitely a step up from what he used to buy- that 2-in-1 shit that ALSO works as a body wash if you’re not a coward. When Dan found out he gagged and yelled until Jonah went out and bought separate bottles.

The shower runs cold, towards the end, but Jonah doesn’t mind all that much. Dan’s hands are still warm when he insists on reapplying Neosporin. And it’s still warm in bed, where they’ve curled around one another, Dan’s head tucked up under Jonah’s chin. The blanket is tossed around them, even though they both know one of them is going to kick it off at some point. One of Jonah’s socked feet is tossed over Dan’s legs.

“Love you.” Jonah yawns.

“Mmm.” Dan hums, kissing his neck. “You too. Shut up.”

Jonah thinks, at this point in time, he can die a happy man.

**Author's Note:**

> their bickering is so god damn fun to write! explicit stuff comes next chapter!


End file.
